12 Problems Only People in the Phase Between Hooking Up and a Relationship Understand
12 Problems Only People in the Phase Between Hooking Up and a Relationship Understand
What. Are. We.
5. Carrying your stuff around with you like a sex Sherpa because you don't know if you can leave stuff at their place or not. Every time I'd go see the last person this happened with, I always packed a kit like I was going sex camping. OK, let's see. Toothbrush, underwear, vitamins, wallet, keys, and a compass in case I get lost because their apartment has so many doors and none of them are an exit. 6. Wanting to ask their roommates what they think you are, but also realizing that makes you sound nuts. Plus, there's no easy way to corner their roommates and half the time, the roommates of the person you're hooking up with are so bizarre and unlikable, you'd rather avoid speaking to them for pretty much the rest of your time there. 7. When you realize you could actually fall for this person and then immediately have to shut down your emotions because you have no clue how they feel. This is so nice. God, we connect on, like, every level ... shit. Just kidding. We are friends who hook up and I am fine with that. Fine. Or maybe I should just stop doing this all together because I have feelings now and that was not the plan. 8. Trying to maintain the delicate line between texting too much and too little so as not to seem clingy, but also not let things fizzle out. Is once a day good? That's not, like, girlfriend-y, but at least we're talking regularly so it's not like I'm purely a hookup. Or if I am a hookup, I'm a hookup who sends really spot-on GIFs. You don't let a gal like that slip away. 9. Having no idea if you two have a standing date on Fridays or if that's more of a last-minute, if-neither-of-you-has-other-plans situation. Do I ask them what we're doing Friday or will that answer be, "Nothing, yo, I'm not your boyfriend"? I guess I'll just wait for them to ask even though now I feel like I'm in the 1950s waiting for a boy to call and I hate this. 10. Trying not to check their social media too much to find out if they're flirting with other girls because you don't care and also you're not together anyway. "I mean, we're not together anyway" is like the anthem of people in this awful in-between place. It basically means "I would probably like to be with someone, but I also like what I have, so I'll tolerate slightly less than I want. For now, anyway." 11. Trying to resign yourself to all outcomes. Well, it might always be like this. We might just be people who sleep together. I'm OK with that ... maybe. Or we might be people who might be together one day, which is also cool ... maybe. This entire relationship is a maybe. I need to call them this weekend and just be honest already. 12. Trying to finally have The Talk about what you guys mean to each other, without making it sound like you want to get married in July off the coast of Nantucket and also here's the scrapbook of how our wedding will look. Listen, Jeremy, I just want to know if at some point, you want to get dinner like people who care about each other because it's been five months, which means we have to at least care about each other on some level. No, I know we don't have a relationship-relationship but we have a relationship to each other. Oh Jesus, Jeremy, are we ever going to date or not?
5. Carrying your stuff around with you like a sex Sherpa because you don't know if you can leave stuff at their place or not. Every time I'd go see the last person this happened with, I always packed a kit like I was going sex camping. OK, let's see. Toothbrush, underwear, vitamins, wallet, keys, and a compass in case I get lost because their apartment has so many doors and none of them are an exit. 6. Wanting to ask their roommates what they think you are, but also realizing that makes you sound nuts. Plus, there's no easy way to corner their roommates and half the time, the roommates of the person you're hooking up with are so bizarre and unlikable, you'd rather avoid speaking to them for pretty much the rest of your time there. 7. When you realize you could actually fall for this person and then immediately have to shut down your emotions because you have no clue how they feel. This is so nice. God, we connect on, like, every level ... shit. Just kidding. We are friends who hook up and I am fine with that. Fine. Or maybe I should just stop doing this all together because I have feelings now and that was not the plan. 8. Trying to maintain the delicate line between texting too much and too little so as not to seem clingy, but also not let things fizzle out. Is once a day good? That's not, like, girlfriend-y, but at least we're talking regularly so it's not like I'm purely a hookup. Or if I am a hookup, I'm a hookup who sends really spot-on GIFs. You don't let a gal like that slip away. 9. Having no idea if you two have a standing date on Fridays or if that's more of a last-minute, if-neither-of-you-has-other-plans situation. Do I ask them what we're doing Friday or will that answer be, "Nothing, yo, I'm not your boyfriend"? I guess I'll just wait for them to ask even though now I feel like I'm in the 1950s waiting for a boy to call and I hate this. 10. Trying not to check their social media too much to find out if they're flirting with other girls because you don't care and also you're not together anyway. "I mean, we're not together anyway" is like the anthem of people in this awful in-between place. It basically means "I would probably like to be with someone, but I also like what I have, so I'll tolerate slightly less than I want. For now, anyway." 11. Trying to resign yourself to all outcomes. Well, it might always be like this. We might just be people who sleep together. I'm OK with that ... maybe. Or we might be people who might be together one day, which is also cool ... maybe. This entire relationship is a maybe. I need to call them this weekend and just be honest already. 12. Trying to finally have The Talk about what you guys mean to each other, without making it sound like you want to get married in July off the coast of Nantucket and also here's the scrapbook of how our wedding will look. Listen, Jeremy, I just want to know if at some point, you want to get dinner like people who care about each other because it's been five months, which means we have to at least care about each other on some level. No, I know we don't have a relationship-relationship but we have a relationship to each other. Oh Jesus, Jeremy, are we ever going to date or not?
15 Signs You're Finally in a Healthy Relationship
15 Signs You're Finally in a Healthy Relationship
He doesn't text you back one night and you don't stress.
1. You're not scared that he's going to do something awful and hurt you. In my crappy relationships, I always had one foot out the door because I knew on some level they were jerks, but once you finally meet someone who's good for you, you know they'd never do that because they're actually not a pile of garbage in a trench coat pretending to be a person.
2. You know 100 percent whether he's into you or not. You don't feel like a spy trying to uncover his true motives all the time because his actions and his words constantly show you how he really feels about you. No detective work needed.
3. You're not secretly hoping he'll change one day. Maybe one day he'll drink less, Maybe one day he'll confront his man-boy problem, Maybe one day he will clean his apartment so I won't look at it and vomit are all things I've thought when I was in bad relationships. In good ones I just think, Thank you for being ready-made. Thank you.
4. Being with him isn't a constant battle. All my bad relationships felt like a battle I was trying to win. Like, OK, time to roll up my sleeves and make this dump truck of a relationship work. With the right guy, it's easy and you never need to roll up your sleeves unless you're, like, baking a pie together in a cute way.
5. You hardly ever complain about him to your friends. At freaking last you're in a relationship where every single text doesn't turn into a five-hour discourse with your friends about what he meant and what his deal is.
6. You don't feel like he's holding back with you. You know you're getting all of him and not just the portions he's not choosing to protect because he "got hurt really badly" or "needs time to open up." You get all of his attention, his love, his kindness, his vulnerability, and you don't have to constantly work for it (see: rolling up sleeves.)
7. Neither of you plays any of the stupid games you played when you were single. You don't suddenly start withholding affection because he withheld affection from you the last time you were out because — thank god — he doesn't withhold affection ever.
8. You can be completely honest with him without feeling like he's going to judge you. You don't even wonder if he will because you know he never would. It's like wondering if your best friend would judge you for wearing flares even though it's 2015. She probably should, but you know she wouldn't.
9. You can talk openly about the future without feeling weird about it. Because you're finally two people sharing a life instead of two people who are kind of holding back because they're afraid the other one is going to hurt them. So talking about where you see this going is just good communication, not an investigation.
10. You don't worry about who's going to pay for what. There's a natural rhythm between you two, so whatever the deal is, it comes naturally. If he always pays, you both know that. If you guys naturally take turns, you know that too. But it's not anything you stress over because it takes care of itself.
11. Your friends adore everything about him. They don't just think he's cute or are glad he makes you happy; they looooove him. They think he's as cool as you are and they're so psyched you're together.
12. When someone invites you somewhere, they also invite him. Because they not only know how solid you guys are, but you're both so awesome that it only makes sense to have you both there. Do you think Jay Z gets invited to things that Beyoncé doesn't get invited to? No. They're a combo pack.
13. You can fight and know it doesn't mean the end of the relationship. In the past, if you fought, you knew that was the end; you were breaking up, for sure. But now you know that fighting is a normal part of being a couple, and it doesn't hurt that you two fight like people who love each other and not like people who want to win every time. Big difference.
14. If he doesn't text you back right away, it doesn't even cross your mind to be worried. You're not thinking, Great, he hates me. He hates me and he's met someone else. Her name is Beth and they're moving to Wyoming, because you know he loves you and that is an insanely specific scenario. 15. You look back at all your other relationships and can't believe you settled for so much less than this. Now that you know how good a relationship can be, you can't believe you ever dated someone who used all your hair products and claimed they were stolen by someone who had a key and left quietly (That was not a believable story, Neil!!!).
He doesn't text you back one night and you don't stress.
1. You're not scared that he's going to do something awful and hurt you. In my crappy relationships, I always had one foot out the door because I knew on some level they were jerks, but once you finally meet someone who's good for you, you know they'd never do that because they're actually not a pile of garbage in a trench coat pretending to be a person.
2. You know 100 percent whether he's into you or not. You don't feel like a spy trying to uncover his true motives all the time because his actions and his words constantly show you how he really feels about you. No detective work needed.
3. You're not secretly hoping he'll change one day. Maybe one day he'll drink less, Maybe one day he'll confront his man-boy problem, Maybe one day he will clean his apartment so I won't look at it and vomit are all things I've thought when I was in bad relationships. In good ones I just think, Thank you for being ready-made. Thank you.
4. Being with him isn't a constant battle. All my bad relationships felt like a battle I was trying to win. Like, OK, time to roll up my sleeves and make this dump truck of a relationship work. With the right guy, it's easy and you never need to roll up your sleeves unless you're, like, baking a pie together in a cute way.
5. You hardly ever complain about him to your friends. At freaking last you're in a relationship where every single text doesn't turn into a five-hour discourse with your friends about what he meant and what his deal is.
6. You don't feel like he's holding back with you. You know you're getting all of him and not just the portions he's not choosing to protect because he "got hurt really badly" or "needs time to open up." You get all of his attention, his love, his kindness, his vulnerability, and you don't have to constantly work for it (see: rolling up sleeves.)
7. Neither of you plays any of the stupid games you played when you were single. You don't suddenly start withholding affection because he withheld affection from you the last time you were out because — thank god — he doesn't withhold affection ever.
8. You can be completely honest with him without feeling like he's going to judge you. You don't even wonder if he will because you know he never would. It's like wondering if your best friend would judge you for wearing flares even though it's 2015. She probably should, but you know she wouldn't.
9. You can talk openly about the future without feeling weird about it. Because you're finally two people sharing a life instead of two people who are kind of holding back because they're afraid the other one is going to hurt them. So talking about where you see this going is just good communication, not an investigation.
10. You don't worry about who's going to pay for what. There's a natural rhythm between you two, so whatever the deal is, it comes naturally. If he always pays, you both know that. If you guys naturally take turns, you know that too. But it's not anything you stress over because it takes care of itself.
11. Your friends adore everything about him. They don't just think he's cute or are glad he makes you happy; they looooove him. They think he's as cool as you are and they're so psyched you're together.
12. When someone invites you somewhere, they also invite him. Because they not only know how solid you guys are, but you're both so awesome that it only makes sense to have you both there. Do you think Jay Z gets invited to things that Beyoncé doesn't get invited to? No. They're a combo pack.
13. You can fight and know it doesn't mean the end of the relationship. In the past, if you fought, you knew that was the end; you were breaking up, for sure. But now you know that fighting is a normal part of being a couple, and it doesn't hurt that you two fight like people who love each other and not like people who want to win every time. Big difference.
14. If he doesn't text you back right away, it doesn't even cross your mind to be worried. You're not thinking, Great, he hates me. He hates me and he's met someone else. Her name is Beth and they're moving to Wyoming, because you know he loves you and that is an insanely specific scenario. 15. You look back at all your other relationships and can't believe you settled for so much less than this. Now that you know how good a relationship can be, you can't believe you ever dated someone who used all your hair products and claimed they were stolen by someone who had a key and left quietly (That was not a believable story, Neil!!!).
Good News: Maybe That Guy Who Proposed at a Wedding ISN'T Terrible
Good News: Maybe That Guy Who Proposed at a Wedding ISN'T Terrible
His new fiancée is speaking out. She has only nice things to say ... but then, she did agree to marry the guy, ill-timed stunt and all, so she might be biased?
After being shared on Reddit as "any girl's wedding nightmare" earlier this week, a photo of some bro (1) wearing ankle socks to a wedding (I kid, my boyfriend would do this too — urgh, actually, I don't kid, send help ASAP, please) and (2) proposing at said wedding went viral, and, like, angry_Internet viral. Because that sort of behavior is just not acceptable right? Who takes the limelight away from the newlyweds?! As it happens though, it's all cool. Really. Put down your pitchforks, unless you're planning use them to scoop a large slice of wedding cake. Megan, the lucky lady accepting her beau's ring in the photo, spoke with The New York Daily News and said the whole stunt was the bride's idea. Also, the bride is her sister, which helps. "Everyone in the Reddit picture knew the proposal was going to happen except for me," she explained, adding that her new fiancé had worried that the moment would upstage the proceedings but her sister "insisted it would only make things better."
Still, there's that argument that her expression in the photo — a quintessential forced smile — suggests she had second thoughts in the moment. To that, Megan says of the bride, "she's actually trying not to cry because it was such a happy moment for all of us." (The two couples, one married and other now-engaged, are "incredibly close," she added.) And she shared photos with the Daily News seemingly proving the cordial/genuinely excited aftermath:
All the Reddit snark and criticism that's followed is "heartbreaking," Megan said; whoever uploaded it in the first place can safely know they're being cut from her wedding's guest list. " I guess if I didn't know the whole story, then I would feel the same way as some of them," she continued, "however, I wouldn't voice my opinion about it because it's none of my business." Good luck selling that argument to the Internet, Megan. That's not how we roll.
But on a serious note, so glad this proposal was a lovely moment for all concerned.
His new fiancée is speaking out. She has only nice things to say ... but then, she did agree to marry the guy, ill-timed stunt and all, so she might be biased?
After being shared on Reddit as "any girl's wedding nightmare" earlier this week, a photo of some bro (1) wearing ankle socks to a wedding (I kid, my boyfriend would do this too — urgh, actually, I don't kid, send help ASAP, please) and (2) proposing at said wedding went viral, and, like, angry_Internet viral. Because that sort of behavior is just not acceptable right? Who takes the limelight away from the newlyweds?! As it happens though, it's all cool. Really. Put down your pitchforks, unless you're planning use them to scoop a large slice of wedding cake. Megan, the lucky lady accepting her beau's ring in the photo, spoke with The New York Daily News and said the whole stunt was the bride's idea. Also, the bride is her sister, which helps. "Everyone in the Reddit picture knew the proposal was going to happen except for me," she explained, adding that her new fiancé had worried that the moment would upstage the proceedings but her sister "insisted it would only make things better."
Still, there's that argument that her expression in the photo — a quintessential forced smile — suggests she had second thoughts in the moment. To that, Megan says of the bride, "she's actually trying not to cry because it was such a happy moment for all of us." (The two couples, one married and other now-engaged, are "incredibly close," she added.) And she shared photos with the Daily News seemingly proving the cordial/genuinely excited aftermath:
All the Reddit snark and criticism that's followed is "heartbreaking," Megan said; whoever uploaded it in the first place can safely know they're being cut from her wedding's guest list. " I guess if I didn't know the whole story, then I would feel the same way as some of them," she continued, "however, I wouldn't voice my opinion about it because it's none of my business." Good luck selling that argument to the Internet, Megan. That's not how we roll.
But on a serious note, so glad this proposal was a lovely moment for all concerned.